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Where was i? Who was i? Is this a facade or authethicity?

I was in awe and stop from blogging

This would be my 1st blog of the year, and since i am out the half of the year for many reasons.

And one of those is evaluating myself.

Its hard to look at the mirror and change your belief system in a snap.

Its a process, which is not impossible but rather hard.

I was evaluating my relationship with my family,

I was evaluating my relationship with my Girlfriend,

I was evaluating my relationship with my friends,

I was evaluating my relationship with myself,

and lastly to my creator.

Oddly, it was 2015 when i truly truly truly known christ. Well i knew him when i was a child but i didn't grasp anything from tradition to why we do such things.

And now, as it coming back to me one evening, that i really took my hands off the wheel.

And for awhile, i am drowning in my sins. Yes this is an open letter and a testimony. If i am going to write down my whole testimony it would become a book and since this is just a short letter to all who desperately need a word or someone who can relate to. this is for you guys.

Now, where were we? Oh yes. about me drowning.  I was drowning in my sins, Yuh. I did open my heart to him but still i am in bondage of my sins and unlike before he gave me a person to guide me. well maybe he is always knocking at my hear and yet i ignore him.

I now realize that this person will help me more walk in Jesus, my savior. I didn't ask for it But God is so gracious that he will send someone because of his ultimate love for you. And now believe it or now i am in a path where i am striving to take my manhood back. Well to all men and boys out there this is something you should hear.

Since i was drowning in my sin which lust, pride, pornography and masturbation.

I can't stop. til today but God's grace continues to save me. God's grace continues to whip the demon out of my heart.

He continues to talk to me through the bible.

I'll be going to be honest at this point. I am not a cheerful christian but i am thriving to be a better and joyful one. still there are many things i need to learn.

Since i want to be pleasing in my Lord God. for i am forever in debt to him for saving me. He have bought me with a price. therefore i am doing my best to be my partners best.

If the price of it is being an old fashion man, so be it. I'll be going to be one.

I now know that this things are set to protect us from things.

We are accountable to everything, and since the fad this day is Objectification i must be the one who oppose such things. My Generation live in a time where conformity is okey. Where being different is such a big deal. where the trend is to do superficial things rather pursue eternal happiness.

Well, i am guilty. I am a sinner sinning but along the way, i got hold of myself. I cried out and ask for forgiveness. I bought several things that i don't want to at first but now bought it to help me in my battle. This battle where some part of me longs for flesh and the other part of me longs for him who saved me.

For you guys you think that, it is normal when it is not. I used to open my laptop or any device in my room to watch such disgusting thing and yet i still feel empty.

I still feel empty. I am going to start my blog again and continue to write some things that is part of my aspiration. But my main purpose on writing this is have you all accountable in my journey.

Till my next post. 





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